Intro

Hi.

My name is Carrie, I am 25 years old. I was born and raised in Arizona.

My moms name is Peggy. She is the light of my life, and my absolute best friend. She has always been my guiding light during trials and tribulations, and has always made me make my own choices, and helped me pick myself up if I fell.

She raised me as a single mom. To any single moms out there, you know the struggle that this mentioned journey brings. Lots of stress and worries, but none of that ever got to my mom. She always made sure that I knew just how much I was loved, and that no matter what I could always ‘call mom’

Through my life we have faced many challenges, and fought, kicked, and screamed to conquer them.

My mom went without medical insurance just so I would have insurance. She sacrificed so much for me, just so I would have a good life, one that I could be proud of.

Our relationship is close, she is all I have, and I am all she has. When we were in the hospital recently, we were getting results of a test back. The dr came in and mentioned he needed to grab another lady. I thought to myself that was strange, why would we need someone else. My stomach instantly started churning and trying to escape my body it felt like. I was instantly unsettled.

The two returned, and it feels like a blur…. They began speaking about a mass they found, a spot on the liver,  and it was…. Cancer.

I felt instantly numb. Not the typical numb. but the flash split second brain doesn’t function, can’t feel anything, can’t move, cant speak, cant breath. I kept trying to process the baby talk gobble-dy goop that was just spewed at us. It seemed as if I was in a foreign country and I was trying to listen to directions to a bathroom, nothing made sence to me and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t process anything.

Then I remember my brain telling me it was time to breathe. I gasped for air, and snapped back into reality, and realized what was happening. I looked at a general doctor aka ‘hospitalist’ with a straight face, and a social worker with a straight face.

I was immediately angry they were so absolute. It was just another day in their world. Where as, in mine, it was world ending.

I was now sobbing, gasping for air, so overcome with emotion. When they stated “Medically fit to be discharged” I lost it. I ‘ comprehend how we were being told she has cancer, but we can go home now?  How does that make sense, she needs treatment and help.

We asked questions and I had to keep repeating “Is this curable” and the Dr. would say “yes”. 

After several times and more confirmation, it was real. It was Cancer. It wasnt going to change no matter how badly I wanted it to change. We were told we were going to be discharged within the hour.

Due to no insurance, we were unable to be kept in the hospital. We needed to work on getting her state medical insurance approved, and then begin the process for treatment.

In seconds we were laughing and joking, and then just completely shattered. But it was through streaming tears, and sobs when we grabbed each other and said “We are going to fight this”.

Together.